Stock photo companies do their best to have a photo for any need, but that also means that some of the photos are so bizarre it’s hard to imagine any real use for them. A lot of them also feature unnecessary, inexplicable nudity. Here are the 25 most inscrutable stock photos of naked women.
1. Balancing a Grapefruit on her Head
This picture will be perfect for my presentation on the effects of citrus on naked women.
2. Holding a Hairless Cat
There’s an obvious pun here, but I’m not going to make it. (HINT: It’s the first thing you and everyone else thought of.)
3. Eating a Hamburger as If It Were the Last Hamburger on Earth and Someone is Trying to Steal it from Her
Some prop guy was a little overzealous with applying to ketchup to this thing.
4. Eating Ice Cream
I guess this one kind of makes sense? Maybe it’s a really hot day.
5. Covered in Cabbage Leaves
“Take off your clothes and put on this cabbage.” “Wait, what?”
6. Wearing CDs
This makes no sense. Who still uses CDs?
7. Figuring Out How Headphones Work for the Very First Time
No, that’s not where that goes.
8. Standing Next to a Bloody, Disembodied Pig Head
It’s the vaudeville act from your psychosexual nightmares.
9. Wearing a Pizza as a Hat
The cherry tomato really brings all the elements together.
10. A Strong, Independent Businesswoman
Just another busy day at the office where I am respected for my ability and not my looks.
11. Wearing a Jack-O-Lantern
Do you think this started out as a spooky shoot that was slowly turning sexy, or a sexy shoot that was slowly turning insane?
12. Eating an Apple
Here, use this fork and knife the way no one eats apples.
13. The Saddest Birthday in the World
“What am I doing? Oh, just my usual birthday party for one.”
14. Holding a Model Airplane
“I don’t know something about this isn’t working. Hey, why don’t you try blowing on the propeller. Yeah… now it’s sexy.”
15. Driving a Car While Talking on a Phone
This is a photo of a naked, pensive looking woman driving a car, and somehow the phone is the weirdest thing about it.
16. Standing in the Snow Hugging a Dead Chicken
“Well, ladies, we’ve had a great shoot, but whaddya say we make some ART. Keep the chickens, lose the clothes.”
17. In a Bathtub Full of Milk and Coffee Beans
The human latte.
18. Drinking a Cup of Coffee in the Most Unrealistic Way Possible
Hey, remember that take we did with the apple girl? Can you drink this coffee in a crazier way?
19. Standing Behind of a Bushel of Corn, Staring into Your Soul
What young boy DOESN‘T fantasize about naked women bringing him corn. Corn is delicious.
20. Clutching a Dead Fish
Strange how one fish can turn a picture from perfectly normal to totally weird.
21. A Woman Scared of Someone Pouring Milk on Her Cereal
Wait… is she wearing a tiny sombrero pinned to her head? Even the hat on her head is wrong.
By this point this picture seems almost normal.
24. Covered in Trash
If you’re a model, this is probably the low point of your career, right?
25. Playing the Violin
Well that’s not how you hold a violin. Why, I’d be surprised if she knows how to play that at all.
Stock photos from Shutterstock