We all have skeletons in our closet that we’ll never let out for the rest of our lives and if you say that you don’t have at least a small secret you’ll never reveal, then you’re full of shit.
So, to all those dirty little secrets out there, /r/AskReddit has got your deceptive ass.
1. Interestingly_Boring stabbed his BFF right in the back.
I threw away my friends gameboy advanced SP when I was younger. Growing up, we both played Pokemon Emerald and Fire Red together on our gameboys. I had a DS with the gameboy cartridge slot and he had a standard gameboy. The years passed and we stopped playing pokemon everyday, essentially banishing our gameboys to the dusty realms of the closet shelf. When I was 13 or 14, I stole my friends gameboy because I had sold my DS and pokemon cartridges. I wanted to relive the early years by playing some good old fashioned pokemon. One day, he mentioned how he wasn’t able to find his gameboy and asked his mom if she had done anything with it. I pretended to be equally interested in tracking down the missing gameboy even though I knew damn well it was sitting at my house. I started sketching out about him finding the gameboy when he was at my house so I put it in my pocket one day, walked to the public library just outside our neighborhood and thew it in the trash in the bathroom. I couldn’t bear with the guilt of telling him that I had stolen it from him so I tossed the evidence. We’re both in our 20’s now and he still brings up from time to time that missing gameboy. He says “Dude, what ever happened to my gameboy? It has to be somewhere in my house. I should find that for old time sake”. He shall never know about the heinous crime I committed all those years ago. Edit: Apparently I’m a piece of shit and my friend knows and is trying to get me to confess. This happened almost a decade ago people. I’m 100% positive his missing gamboy is one of the last things on his mind
2. SeaportDouglas re-writes history.
I gained access to the yearbook project room and changed a kid’s senior quote from something serious to “There is nothing moister than an oyster”.
3. AllPintsNorth wins a scholarship.
Junior year of high school, my class was registering for next years classes, so they brought us down to the computer lab. But, there weren’t enough computers for every one. Knowing one of the councilors very well, she has me use the “instructor” computer at the front of the room. Well, just so happened, that another councilor was logged into that computer, so full permissions. So, in addition to registering for next years classes… a couple of my Bs turned to As from past classes. A few months later, I barely beat out a good friend for a scholarship because my GPA was slightly higher…
4. Dr_Henry_Armitage discoveres his sister’s dirty little secret.
My sister was an extremely conservative stuck up Christian in high school. She was obsessed with her purity and purity culture in general. My junior year of college my phone broke and I had had to use her old flip phone from high school until I got a new one. I found her nudes that she was sending to older men and what they sent back. I also found texts of when and where they planned to hook up as well as her prices. No joke I threw up in my mouth, then took the phone outside where I smashed it with a sledgehammer and threw all the pieces I could find in the local river.
5. Frustrated_Pyro has a gas.
Riding in the car with one of my best friends. He suddenly has a very distressed look on his face and frantically starts stuttering about needing to find a restroom. I will never forget the sound not 10 seconds later of him shitting himself in the driver seat. I laughed my ass off all the way back to his house. I promised I’d never tell anyone.
6. MacabreLurker has a Merry Cousin Christmas.
That one Christmas a younger female relative of mine and I were fixing our hair in the bathroom and she asked if I wanted to make out with her. She was pretty high, but I ignored the request and have never brought it up again.
7. Alwin_ scares an egg.
In Dutch, when you boil an egg and then place it into cold water to make it easier to peel an egg, it’s called “to scare” the eggs. One day when I was about 6 or 7, my mom asked me to “scare” the eggs. So, little joker I was, lifted the lid of the pan and yelled “BOOO!” My mom cracked up and has been telling this story ever since, for over 20 years. She’s come to love the story and still truly thinks that I wanted to really “scare” the eggs. Truth is I knew what “scaring an egg” meant and only wanted to make her laugh because she was in a sad place and time back then. It’s made her laugh for over 20 fucking years, that means it’s the best joke I’ve ever pulled off and I’d die before I’d let her find out I was just kidding.
8. SEND-ME_TITS-PLS runs into his principal.
When I was 15 I was walking through the woods and saw my principal having a jerk off session under the trees. No one would have believed me so I said nothing. But God damn it Mr McCann, I know what you do in your spare time.
9. _jizzlober_ knows the truth.
Best friend told me how much he hated his girlfriend and that in two weeks when he completed his move he was going to break it off. He died the next morning. She’ll never know how unhappy she made him.
10. RightHandSolo gets the job.
Obvious throwaway. I work at an investment bank, however to get the job I had to do a variety of assessments which among others included an Excel modelling test. Now I’m quite experienced with Excel, have built lots of complex financial models, but what this task involved was to make some corrections to a very poorly built financial model (not intentionally bad, just whoever did it didn’t know their stuff well). They leave me in a room with a laptop to complete this task. I open up the spreadsheet and have very little idea where to start, this is just making no sense. As I’m scanning through the tabs desperately trying to find things I’m able to do, I notice something saved on the desktop: some previous candidate’s attempt was saved there! Well I opened it up and started copying what that guy had done and added a few tweaks of my own. I ended up getting the job.
11. icecreampopncereal betrays his wife.
My wife shall never know I put a video of her snoring on YouTube
12. misssnizzle buries Tuna.
We had an old cat growing up named Tuna. He was 16 or 17 and had a long and happy life but was really deteriorating. My mom did not want him put down as it was her cat and she seemed to be in denial about how decrepit and near death this cat was. One day she comes home from the store and my dad calmy tells her that he found Tuna dead under a tree in the sun. She was happy he died peacefully and on his own terms. What she doesn’t know is that she actually ran him over as she was leaving for the store. She obviously didn’t feel him under the tire but my mom killed her cat and we all lied about him dying in his sleep.
13. Artantica takes a dump.
Getting out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel i tried to fart and shit onto the carpet. I let my roommate find it and hoped that she would blame it on the cat. She did in fact blame it on her cat and i watched her clean up my poop mess.
14. DukeFinch is a casserole martyr.
That I absolutely hate my wife’s special casserole. I stomach it down with a smile because she and our kids love it.
15. Megajumpman lies in the sweetest way possible.
Before my wife and I got married my dad got cancer and passed away. I was lucky enough to have a long conversation with him the day before he passed. My wife was really worried that he didn’t like her so I told her that my dad had told me how lucky I was to have her and that I picked a good woman to marry. In reality he told me just because we had been together for a few years didn’t mean that I had to spend the rest of my life with her but that he trusted my judgement and if I wanted to marry her than he was happy for me. So yeah, I think that would really hurt my wife’s feelings if she found that out. We’ve been married 3 years and have a son so everything has worked out great for us so far!