13 Real Life Sex Things That Are Never Found in Porn

Porn is good as hell but is it possible it is…unrealistic? The jury’s out, but intel from this r/askreddit thread asserts strongly that it indeed is. Here are some of the sweet ass sex things that pretty much every porn misses.

1.  Sneezyowl injecting Pornhub with a little more ~realism~

Asking if she locked the door, getting down to business then hearing the children ask for you. You yell that you are discussing Christmas presents and they need to go back to watching Disney Jr. 2 minutes later kids are pounding on the door but it’s been days since you and your wife have had any time together so you power through. You progress to an advanced missionary position where you each cover your partners ears as to not hear the kids begging for a snack they could easily get themselves. She is quietly mouthing dirty words to keep you excited yet the children’s cries for Doritos are not only distracting but also making you want Doritos. Neither of you can keep a straight face as the children start asking questions about what’s taking so long.

2. Sorry! Sorry! You good? Via opus_4_vp

Putting my hand on the pillow next to her head for stability and her yelling for me to Get Off Her Hair!

3. Everyone’s always also got a massive gorgeously decorated master bedroom, MobileTechGuy

Squeaky bed springs

4. beeps-n-boops is right, it just can’t be comfortable. Take em off, stay a while

Women taking their shoes off.

Not only do I find the number of women who leave their shoes — not socks, but fucking shoes — on in porn to be unbelievably unrealistic, but it’s also a complete turnoff for me.

I’m not even really a foot guy, but I want to see them at least. Who the fuck leaves their shoes on in bed??? And you have to go to extra effort to take off your clothes but leave your shoes on…

5. No better sex than hydrated sex. From Doctor-Van-Nostrand

Stopping in the middle to chug some water

6. Aaaaaaaandimdone droppin the truth bomb: sometimes sex is disappointing

The worst thing ever is when he finds that sweet spot after like 10 minutes and you’re like “okay don’t move don’t move just keep doing that” but you can see on his face that zero hour is four seconds away.

7. Wait but seriously did you cum? Via WhatTheChef

asking the woman if they came

8. I could get into a ‘Perceptive and Compassionate’ Pornhub category, Tivia

When about 10 minutes in you both realize orgasm isn’t going to happen, but you keep trying for another 10 out of sheer stubbornness. After that one person finally speaks up and the other goes “Oh good it isn’t just me, I was just trying to get you there”. This ends in a brief cleanup and usually watching TV/cuddling.

9. diegojones4 has a point here. Most porn just jumpcuts to the next position, you KNOW these people are accidentally donking each other when they swap how could they not

The accidental elbow to the head when changing positions.

10. The world is ready for incest porn but for some reason not this, yesacabbagez

We were having sex and she says “oh god stop stop stop”. I stopped and asked what. She let loose the most comical sound effect sounding fart I have ever heard. I had to look her square in the eyes and fart to re-establish dominance. Went back to fucking.

11. When ya gotta go, you gotta go, _LightlyToasted_

foreplay ensues

“Oh one sec I just have to pee first”

Cheers babe I’ll wait, my fleeting erection will keep me company

12. Comfortability with one another is the sexiest thing of all, picksandchooses 

She pulls one leg out of her ratty flannel pajamas and says “Okay, but just hurry up. I have a busy day at work tomorrow.”

13. Not all sex needs to be moaning and choke me daddies, everyone. From stink3rbelle

Laughter