Get ready to emit noise out your laugh holes, cuz we got some legitimately great tweets here locked and loaded.
1. “Uhh, yeah cool but is she clean?”
Sent this pic to my family and no one responded and then my sister got into nursing school pic.twitter.com/iZojNwmSsM
— Ryan Creamer (@ryguyguyry) December 5, 2017
2. Roger, you will be loved (for your hatred).
I still think this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. pic.twitter.com/J7ckeGEQNV
— Ruthanne Reid (@RuthanneReid) December 4, 2017
3. It’s in the mom handbook. They must do this.
shout out to the 13 seconds of silence at the top of my mom’s voicemail greeting
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) December 5, 2017
4. There is so many of them it is definitely possible.
On average people watch 8 Spider-Man movies a year in their sleep
— Spazio (@Spaziotwat) June 21, 2016
5. MIND BLOWN
Ross n Rachel
Six people total
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) December 4, 2017
6. And so begins Gremlins 3.
Boy: This is a Mogwai. Very important, don’t give him any water, not even to drink.
Me: [already holding empty can of Monster] is this bad
— Earthman Adam (@AdamOfEarth) December 3, 2017
7. I think you pissed off your grandpa when you were little or something.
when I was 16 my parents commissioned my grandad to paint a portrait of me to raise my self esteem. It did not. pic.twitter.com/eACumc3YsI
— dido’s mom (@floozyesq) June 12, 2017
8. Our condolences.
R.I.P my moms vagina pic.twitter.com/KgCOjGZse7
— caroline (@booboothefooI) August 13, 2017
9. But then wouldn’t you dissolve?
MY WEDDING: tetris theme plays as i slowly inch down the aisle, trying to perfectly fit my finger in the ring
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 30, 2017
10. True, it is very easy to multitask your hatred.
People who say “don’t hate the player hate the game” are working under the wildly false assumption that I am unable to hate 2 things at once
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) April 17, 2016
11. The more you know.
the gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian
— ? (@BlvckGrip) November 29, 2017