The problem with the internet is that it’s still a social place, even when you’re alone in your home or on the street and posting. You FEEL like you’re alone (because physically, you are) but in reality you’re exposing yourself to the LARGEST AUDIENCE POSSIBLE. And as a result, way too many people feel comfortable being an asshole and saying/doing stupid shit that they would normally NEVER do in public, but end up feeling a-okay about doing online. And (thankfully) it usually blows up in their face, and they’re left scrambling for an awkward, obviously bullshit excuse for why they felt it was okay to be such an unrelenting dick.
Let these 10 items be a lesson to all of us – DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE ONLINE….and if you MUST be an asshole, at least come up with a better excuse than these idiots.
1. Commenting about how “thirsty” someone is for posting a selfie when you’ve previously sadly private message’d them repeatedly is PROBABLY A PRETTY STUPID MOVE. But, at least you can make yourself look even stupider by claiming those private messages (months apart) were somehow “butt dials.”
2. When you join a social network and use your real name and involve real people from your life, you should PROBABLY not tell an entire religious group to “fuck off from our country,” especially if your living situation DEPENDS ON SOMEONE FROM THAT COMMUNITY. And guess what? Claiming that it wasn’t you who wrote it (with no further explanation) is not gonna make things peachy.
3. Listen – it can be pretty funny to troll someone on Twitter, but there are some rules: for one, do something that’s actually funny. And another thing, don’t SAY YOU’RE A TERRORIST AND TELL AN AIRLINE YOU’RE GONNA DO SOMETHING “REALLY BIG.” That’s not ‘trolling’, that’s just being an idiot asshole.
4. Reminder – Joey Salads is constantly revealed to be full of shit and you should never watch/share any of his garbage videos. But if you do, don’t pretend like you were secretly running an experiment of your own the whole time, because NO ONE’S BUYING IT.
5. The best thing is when people try to correct your spelling and end up spelling something wrong themselves – in this case, LITERALLY THE SAME WORD THEY WERE TRYING TO CORRECT. But what makes this one truly special is the excuse – that the account was being secretly used by the user’s child. Don’t blame your kids for your stupidity.
6. Ah, the classic “make an awkward overly forward sex plea and when you get rebuffed pretend like it was your friend ‘just being stupid lol'”. ALWAYS EXTREMELY BELIEVABLE.
7. If you’re trying to correct someone about an article on Twitter, do a few things first:
Actually read the article yourself first.
Make sure that person ISN’T THE AUTHOR OF THE ARTICLE.
8. Oh look, another “stupid friend texting girls on my phone and lewdly begging for sex haha,” WHAT A COINCIDENCE!
9. And aside from the classic “friend was on my phone,” there’s the always EVEN MORE BELIEVABLE “oops I must have gotten hacked and then the hackers sent a stupid message to somone instead of stealing bank account information.”
10. And we’ll end this on something truly special – a kid who repeatedly posts faux-“private messages” as status updates….BUT ON ACCIDENT! “Oops! Was just trying to secretly talk to a girl about ALL THE SEX WE’RE DEFINITELY HAVING but I accidentally made it public!” The crazy thing about this is HOW OFTEN HE TRIES IT.